Today is our nineteenth wedding anniversary.
It’s always been a bit of a joke that I have trouble remembering the date (we don’t really celebrate dates – the thinking is that it quickly becomes an ‘arms race’, especially Valentine’s Day where you have to outdo yourself with the stuffed toys, chocolates, roses, cards, etc, etc, and neither of us want to play that game).
Our wedding was a very quiet one at our request – registry office, a couple of friends as witnesses, the kids trussed up in dresses, suits, hats; me in a Summer dress from M&S. My aunt asked if she could come. His mother absolutely insisted on coming: she was better-dressed than I was. His dad and step-mother turned up (although they did not approve… they genuinely believed God had told them personally that we were not suited for each other – it would have been nice if God had told us as well). AP forgot his tie. I couldn’t be bothered to do anything with my hair. Neither of us cared – it was about committing to each other, not to a massive credit-card debt. We went back to our house afterwards where my aunt and I put on a lovely spread, British Sunday-tea buffet-style.
We promised his gran and my family that one day, when we could afford it, we would have a blessing to which they could come: stuffy, formal outfits and hats welcome. They are still waiting. We didn’t lie, we have just never prioritised it – especially as there have always been other expenses which seemed a better idea (like my daughter’s big white wedding two years ago).
So every year my aunt sends an anniversary card and every year I put that lone card up and joke about how funny it is that she remembers for us. This year, when the card arrived, I put it straight into the recycling bin. Harsh? I don’t think so… as far as I’m concerned, our original marriage has been voided by his affair and I do not want any reminders.
We have spoken about having a blessing at some point in the future, when we have defined this brave new relationship we are striving to build. How ironic, that the event which we promised our family members all those years ago (and which they would consider a re-affirmation of our original vows) would actually be the foundation of something entirely new.
Caveat Cor 